I used to visit my mom’s house to do laundry, but somehow, every trip ended with me playing tech support. Like a true Gen X kid with a Boomer parent, I had a standing appointment with whatever bizarre computer catastrophe had unfolded since my last visit. Printer not working? Check. Mysterious error messages? Of course. But nothing topped when she managed to infect her laptop with Idiocracy-level malware, which screamed popups at you like an overenthusiastic infomercial.

She was adamant that her downloads were innocent, just embroidery patterns for her Viking sewing machine. No shady business, no illegal activities. Just cute floral borders and quilt designs. But her download history told a different story—a tale of shady torrent sites, sketchy ‘free’ pattern downloads, and many ‘CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE!’ disasters.

My mom unknowingly waded into the murky waters of piracy, where the promise of free comes with a hidden cost: a computer overrun with spam, trackers, and enough malware to turn her humble embroidery machine into a potential botnet soldier.

I used to visit my mom’s house to do laundry, but somehow, every trip ended with me playing tech support. Like a true Gen-X kid with a Boomer parent, I had a standing appointment with whatever bizarre computer catastrophe had unfolded since my last visit. Is your printer not working? Check. Mysterious error messages? Of course. But nothing topped when she managed to infest her machine with Idiocracy-level malware, which screamed popups at you like an overenthusiastic infomercial.

She swore she only downloaded embroidery patterns for her Viking sewing machine. That was it. Nothing shady, nothing illegal. Just cute little floral borders and dragon designs. But her download history? Well, that told a different story—one filled with shady torrent sites, sketchy “free” pattern downloads, and many “CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE!” disasters.

My mom unknowingly waded into the murky waters of piracy, where the promise of free comes with a hidden cost: a computer overrun with spam, trackers, and enough malware to turn her machine into a potential botnet soldier.

After the initial heart attack, a thorough purge of her system, and a serious conversation about her downloading habits, we had it narrowed down. These embroidery pattern files often came in several different types: PES and APK were the most common. Sometimes, it was in a SEW format or even a JEF! It was the Wild West of embroidery patterns, y’all! The real trouble came in the file conversion, where the malware was introduced. Each file type had to be converted into a.HUS for the machine to read, and of course that included new software for each file type.

It wasn’t in the files themselves, but the file converter, and every time she converted a file of that type, it would reintroduce the malware to her system. But the real lesson here? Pirated software and “free” downloads from sketchy sites almost always have a hidden cost. It never occurred to my mom to question the credibility of the sites she used—why would she? They were just embroidery patterns for her sewing machine.  

But even something as innocent as a quilting design can come bundled with a nasty surprise in 2025. If you wouldn’t take candy from a stranger, you probably shouldn’t download “free” software from one either.